As time moves forward, questions begin to boil to the surface. Is it OK not to move on with everyone else? Is it OK to leave things just as she left them because I want to remember her touching things, so that I might remember that she was once there? Should the memory of her be such a primary force in my life? Is it OK to still wear my wedding ring even though I live alone? I think that, as is the case with the life of intimacy between a couple, there is simply no "right way" of doing things, you simply do what works for you, and nobody can tell you what that is.
This is now a couple of days later from the last entry. Last week was very hot here on the Northern California coast, but today is very cool and foggy -all day, without a break. It feels like Fort Bragg. If you don't the town, it's right on the coast and is known for being regularly blanketed in fog from the ocean. So today's weather makes Santa Rosa, where I work, feel like Fort Bragg. All that to say this: my Beloved loved the coast, to be there, to camp there. She just loved it. So this weather absolutely fills me longing for her, with a renewed sense of intensity. Oh how I miss that wonderful woman!
Comments