I have reached a new phase of the widower's life: Couple Envy. My friend and his wife were at my shop. After they walked out the door, I intentionally joked in earshot of my employee, "Well, have fun with your wife, at least you have one that is still alive. You know what they say, 'tragedy+time=comedy.'" It hit me that, just underneath the kidding was a reality. It made me realize that, when I see a couple around my age, I feel tinges of jealousy. Like I was at the county fair
and there was a booth giving away free ice cream, but they ran out just before I could get mine, and then I had to walk around watching every eat theirs. I am not bitter, just filled with longing. 39 years together dog-ears the pages of your life some.
I feel so sad for your loss. But part of me is grateful for the love you and Karen have. Most of us search a lifetime only never finding that beautiful love.